Learning to Trust Daddy

What a beautiful day yesterday. I sat at the pool side watching Rylee my three year old niece as she tried so desperately to enter the pool. I watched as she clung to her father and the edge of the pool on the steps refusing to take that leap of faith required to enjoy herself in the water. I could so relate to her as I thought about my taking my first leap of faith with my heavenly Father learning to step out in faith and trusting that He would be there to catch me if I fell.

In 1993 I had surrendered my whole life to God. Up to that point He was my savior but not my Lord and there is a difference. We were living in Hawaii at the time, my husband was a Chief in the Navy and I was praying asking God If we could please be stationed back in Maine because I really did not like it in Hawaii and Maine was as close to home (Upstate NY) as I thought we could get in the Navy. This was the first time I heard the Lord speak to my heart and He said “Don’t let your heart be troubled, I’ll provide a way for you.”

I was so excited, I ran down the hall to tell my husband that God was going to provide a way for us to go to Maine. Surely he would be as excited as I was. To my amazement I was met with less than enthusiasm. My husband said “We’re not going to Maine. The Navy is not going to pay to ship us all the way across the Pacific Ocean and all the way across the country.” I said “Yes they are, God said. We’re going to Maine” “OK honey, sure. You’re talking to God.” He just kind of patted me on my head and sent me on my way. I said rather defiantly “We are.”

A whole year went by and when the subject of orders came up I would say “We’re going to Maine, God said so and I believe Him.” Finally time for orders came but all they were offering us was Virginia Beach. I thought well maybe that’s close enough but God doesn’t want us just close enough. He wants us in His will. It was the night before my husband had to either accept the orders to Virginia or reject the orders, extend on board in Hawaii another year (awful thought) and try again in a year for Maine. We prayed that night for God’s will for us and in the morning I just knew that I knew that I knew he could not accept those orders and so I told him “Tim, you can’t accept those orders.”  He said “I know.” Ah Hah! I wasn’t the only one God was speaking to. So he left for work to turn down the orders and extend on board another year. I was so devastated. My dream of getting close to home had just died. I just cried. I told the Lord I don’t understand but I trust you, which has since become my montra. I don’t understand but I trust you. It seems like that’s all I ever say but it’s true. I resigned myself to staying another long year in Hawaii.

A couple weeks after that the command announced that due to downsizing anyone with 15 years or more of service could retire early but the only stipulation was that you could not have orders to somewhere else. Tim and I both knew this was what God had planned for us and why we could not accept those orders.  So my husband put in his retirement papers and when you retire they have to pay to send you to your home of record which for us was upstate NY. Even though I was praying to go to Maine because I thought it was as close to home as we could get God knew He could give me my hearts desire if I trusted Him, which was to go home.

After what we had done sunk in we said “What did we just do?” Not only did we just give up the only career my husband had ever known, we had also given up our whole way of life because living in the military is totally different then living in the civilian world. Now what? I was at the crisis pregnancy center where I volunteered. I was reading my bible waiting for customers. I asked the Lord if retirement was really what He had for us. Not questioning, just asking for confirmation. I opened the index of my bible and the first word I saw in capital letters at the top of the page was the word RETIREMENT. What are the odds of that? The word retirement isn’t even in the bible. So I knew the Lord was saying “yes this is what I have for you.” I heard the still small voice of the Lord speak to my heart “I’ll provide for you.” So that was it. We told our families in NY we were retiring and coming home. They said “Don’t come here. There are no jobs here.” But it was too late we had already heard from God. So we retired and came home to NY with no jobs and no prospects of jobs just a promise from God that He would provide for us.

In July of 1994 we moved to NY. Tim was on terminal leave and being paid through Sept 30th so we had 3 months to find a job before the money ran out. We were givers but we were new to the area and hadn’t found a church yet so I was saving our money until we found a church to give it to, or so I thought. Tim was submitting resumes everywhere. Time was going by and we were into Sept now and Tim still hadn’t found a job.

I still had the money I was saving for when we found a church but God made me realize I wasn’t saving it until we found a church; that was just what I was telling myself. I was really saving it in case we might need it, in case God didn’t come through. I needed a plan B right? Did I trust God or did I just say I trust God. So I wrote checks to the Urban Mission, the Salvation Army and other charities and I mailed them. That was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I remember standing at the mail box and dropping them in and thinking we’re falling like those letters but I’m expecting God to catch us because there is no safety net now. Was I afraid? Absolutely I was but sometimes we have to do it afraid and trust that what He promises He will perform. This was my jumping off moment like Rylee in the pool. Tim still didn’t have a job and hadn’t even had one interview from all those resumes he had sent but I returned it all to God because it belonged to Him, it wasn’t mine to keep. The next week my husband was called for an interview for a position as a Network Engineer running the computer systems at the hospital at the military base close by. While Tim was interviewing for the position I was praying “Father please give him this position.” God spoke to my heart and said “I am able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that you could think or ask in Christ Jesus.” My husband got the job. God is faithful.  He will provide for His children if we trust Him to do so.

In this growth process God was teaching me to trust Him. I was learning to trust my Daddy just like Rylee is learning to trust hers. I’m sure I did just as much screaming and yelling as she did with much resistance but at some point if we are going to learn to trust Him we are going to have to jump and trust and expect that He is going to catch us every single time because He is faithful. We can absolutely rely on Him 100 % of the time. Rylee asked her daddy “Will you always catch me?” That was my question as well and the answer is, Yes He will always catch me and He will always catch you as well. So if you have a promise from God then jump. ;)

Life get’s exciting after you jump.

This entry was posted on Monday, June 11th, 2012 at 11:24 am and is filed under Walk With My Father. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

6 Comments

  1. Lisa Reule says:

    Beth,
    Thank you so much for sharing this. I really needed to hear it today. I remember those crazy times. Do you retire of re-enlist. For us there was no question. When they said our first tours would be on a ship for OJT. We were okay with that but when we asked if we would deploy or be out to sea at the same time, we got a very definite ” well you’ll be in the real navy then ” the response was that most people give custody to a close relative or baby sitter in that case. So we both decided that we couldn’t do that to Kristi and retired early. Everything we have ever gone through God has had a purpose. Your post today re-affirms that He will provide and even if I get no response for all the resumes I’m sending out. I realize that I require a change in attitude. Praise and gratitude is in order and will replace the fear and anxiety. I love you Beth, the Lord has always used you to point me back to Himself. Thank you for always being faithful and your continuous love. Aloha!

    June 11th, 2012
  2. Beth says:

    OMGoodness Lisa. Thank you so much. Gonna cry now. You have always been there for me as well. I’m so glad God brought us together. Love you girl.

    June 11th, 2012
  3. Debbie says:

    Thanks for sharing this testimony to God’s faithfulness! I can certainly relate. I felt the same way when I took the leap of faith and began my faith journey of living on “support” when I went into full time ministry!

    June 11th, 2012
  4. Beth says:

    I’m sure He has been faithful to you as well.;) I think we all find the same when we jump just like Rylee, He is right there to catch us. Looking at it from a 3 years old perspective just keeps me humble. I’m not much different then that when it comes to God. lol Thanks for sharing Debbie. ;)

    June 11th, 2012
  5. Sherrie says:

    Thanks for sharing this with the women on Wednesday! What a blessing you are to the body of Christ!!

    July 13th, 2012
  6. Beth says:

    Thanks Sherrie. I so enjoyed it. Robert Morris is one of my favorites. Looking forward to next week. ;)

    July 14th, 2012

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